


The New Bill

by BiBitchBee



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Divorce, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Song: Used To Be (L.O.V.E.), Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:20:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25541227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiBitchBee/pseuds/BiBitchBee
Summary: L is for the way you lie to meO is for the other ones you seeV is for vindictive, chewed my heart and then you spit itE hurts even more by who knows what I keep hoping for
Relationships: Bill Denbrough/Audra Phillips, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris
Kudos: 30





	The New Bill

_L is for the way you lie to me_

Audra Phillips-Denbrough did not consider herself an unfair woman. But Bill had a way of making her feel so out of her mind that she would concede with a quiet _I'm sorry, your right, I love you._ He was a writer, so it was natural for him to weave his words into mesmerizing things. Didn't her mother tell her when they first started dating- _You can tell a man's lifestyle by his job. This man makes money selling things that aren't true as such. How will that end for you?_

_O is for the other ones you see_

It wasn't always like this. They used to be happy, in love, even. Some odd years into his marriage, Bill was called into his hometown during the production of the film adaptation of his own book. They had a fight because he didn't want to rewrite his ending, and it seemed the best outcome. She was overworked, and shouldn't have snapped at him, but did. And then he left and returned a different man.

_V is for vindictive to my heart and then you spit it_

After Derry, Bill talked about his past a lot more. It seemed good at first, but it soon became the only thing he talked about- and in excruciating detail. She knew the exact color of Bill's socks the day he left Derry, the number of hugs, the number of tears shed. She knew his life better than her own. He spent all his time with these people now. Richie, Beverly, Ben, Eddie, Stan, and Mike. He spent the most time with Stan.

_E hurts even more, but who knows what I keep hoping for_

She understood, in the beginning. Stan was in the hospital with a suicide attempt- of course, Bill would visit. But after that, the visits did not cease or diminish in number. If only, they grew more frequent. Audra had once asked Bill why he saw Stan so much more than the others when Eddie and Richie lived in LA as well, and Beverly spent a good amount of time here for her business as well. "He was my best friend, Audra. We were all best friends, but he was my _best_ friend. He... needs me." His response was always the same, right down to the faltering.

_When I'm trip, trip, trippin' over everything you say and do._

Bill spent so much time visiting Stan- through his time at the hospital, his recovery process, his divorce- Audra had once joked for him to buy or rent a house down in Georgia to save on hotel money. But then Bill _did._ It meant he spent even more time with Stanley Uris and less and less time with his wife.

_Like even though I'm miles away, I'll keep my faith for you._

It pissed her off, kind of. How much time he spent with the other man. So she took a movie shooting in London and didn't inform Bill. He didn't seem to notice. About three months into the movie shooting, he called and asked where she was and in a fit of anger, she told him "How does it matter? You don't care about me, I'm only your wife after all. Not your best friend that was so good to you that you forgot he existed.". Bill didn't talk to her for another month until she called him sobbing, apologizing, and alone. 

_Oh, but I'm just a blinded fool and my heart so tied, who knows what to do_

But Audra Phillips-Denbrough was not stupid. She had, despite what magazines called her 'classic beauty' been cheated on before, and recognized the signs in Bill. They talked less, were less affectionate. He spent more and more time in Georgia until it seemed that was more his home than Los Angeles. She asked her sister how to tell if a man was cheating on her and she had said _If you feel like he's cheating on you it's a sign from the universe that he is._ So she had asked him one day if Stan was more than just a friend. The thought had been irking her for some time. She well knew her husband was bisexual, just as she knew that Stanley had divorced his wife in realizing he was gay. Once more she noted how she knew far too much about the man for someone who had never met him. Bill invited her to spend the weekend in Georgia to see for herself.

_So I'll go fill up the cracks 'c_ _ause I swear that we could make it back_

Upon meeting Stanley Uris, Audra felt the pit in her stomach only deepen. Because while Stanley had compared her to Beverly Marsh in her looks- with her bobbed red hair, deep green eyes, light tan, and they even in their similar stand-offish attitude- Stanley Uris and Audra Phillips-Denbrough were too similar for it to be a coincidence. With the perfectionism, sarcastic comebacks, and even the curly hair. _It's almost like seeing double_ Bill had joked, but a piece of her mind was waving a big, bright red flag. A second flag went up because as often as Bill had described Stan- and it was often- he wasn't exactly as he said. Her husband had described his dirty-blonde curls and dark brown eyes with a greenish hue often enough that she knew who the man was before introduction. Bill had often gone into detail on his nose, eyelashes, and the scars down the side of his face. The scars were so light that Audra didn't notice them until she examined very hard, his nose was simply a nose to her, and his eyelashes did not at all stand out to her. But they clearly did for Bill, which worried her immensely.

_If you tried a little harder like the way that you used to_

Audra's birthday brought a semblance of normality. Bill had thrown her a party, and most of her friends and colleagues were there. But so was Stanley Uris, which left a bitter taste in her mouth. She met all six other Losers that night, and it helped her understand the world her husband so often drifted off into. She noticed that happening more frequently when he _was_ home. He would be writing, or drawing- which he never used to do before- and he would get all wistful and stare off into space. Then he would shake himself slightly, and return to his task. 

_When you cared about someone other than you_

Bill would often forget simple things. For example, he often would forget her veganism. He would buy cow milk, cheese, eggs, and such. Audra has since banned him from the grocery store because he told her _I guess I got used to buying for Stan._ It yet again sent a bright red flag up in the back corners of her mind but yet again she pushed it aside. He told her once that his mind is a mishmash when emotional- back when he was her Bill. 

_Come home, then you would kiss me in the moonlight_

Her Bill was a lot different than the new Bill. Her Bill used to buy her strawberries and make a picnic in their backyard. He would set up string lights around every room at Christmas, and buy her presents almost weekly. He was affectionate and cuddly, and once told her that if the world was on fire, he would be too distracted by her smile to notice. He took her ballroom dancing and planned romantic weekend getaways. He took her took wine tastings and cooking classes. He was sweet and kind and thoughtful, and he was her Bill.

_I wanna love you, but we live to fight_

Her Bill went on that trip to Derry and whoever came back was entirely different. He was forgetful and fly away and always busy. And when they were together, they bickered and fought **constantly**. Over small things, whether it be the color of his shirt or Stan. More times than she was willing to admit, it was Stanley. But she couldn't help it. Bill spent more time with Stanley than her, and when he wasn't with him he talked about him. No matter what Bill said, Audra recognized the love in his voice. She recognized it because it used to be reserved for her. 

_And making love shouldn't be an obligation, y_ _eah we were passionate but now we're only faking_

When Audra and Bill used to talk about having kids, Bill was excited and warm. He was eager, and it often led to trying just from the conversation. But after he changed, he seemed quiet and withdrawn. Almost closed off to the idea of starting a family with her. He used to kiss her o the neck because he liked the way the sun hit her eyes, but now even when kissing her he seemed to not feel anything at all and it broke Audra's heart to say that the feeling was mutual. 

_My darling I don't know how much that I could take this._ _T-t-take this_

So, on one of the many days that Bill is in Georgia with Stanley, Audra goes out to her lawyer and gets the papers. She signs them and begins writing the note. 

Dear Bill,

Hello. I hope this doesn't inconvenience you too much, but I miss you. When you left on that trip, you left a piece of who you are there. Or perhaps you just found who you truly are. Either way, you are not the same.

_L is for the way you lie to me_

You tell me you love me, but it isn't true. You did, perhaps, once upon a time. But now, when you have returned to the man you truly are, we do not work together with the way we once did. 

_O is for the other ones you see_

You tell me that you have never done anything with Stanley, and perhaps that may be true. But an emotional affair is just as real as a sexual one. You love Stanley, and I would have to be blind not to see it. Even if you don't see it yet, it is clear to me. Just don't wait too long to tell him.

_Yeah, and V is for vindictive to my heart and then you spit it. E hurts even more, but who knows what I keep hoping for_

I don't think you tried to do what you did. I do believe you are a good person, Bill, and I doubt any of this was intentional. But either way, it happened. You don't love me, you love Stan, and feel obligated to stay with me because you made a vow. But to make it easier for you, I'm severing that.

_If love is crumbling right before our eyes. Oh, my dear we just can't get it right._

I already went to our lawyer. You can keep the house in Georgia- you spend more time there than here anyways- and this one as well. I'm going to be moving in with my mother until I find myself a new place to stay. I gave us a 50-50 on most of the assets, and because we never made a joint-checking account we each get to keep our own money.

_So take the memories._ _And won't you hold them close for me_

So, when I'm gone please don't forget me. I know it wasn't always amazing, especially near the end. But there were always the best parts in the beginning. At our engagement, you told me that forgetting me would be like forgetting how to tie your shoes. I hope that still stands. 

Love,

Audra

_'Cause love's not what it used to be._ _My baby, love's not what it used to be_

Audra Phillips does not consider herself an unfair woman. Her husband did not love her, but someone from his past. She deserved to be in a relationship where she was loved, cherished, and happy. Like how Bill used to be, before who he really was showed. She knew this, and so she set him free. 


End file.
